THE HILLS ECHO

Autumn 2006

CHAIRMAN’S REPORT

PAST PRESIDENT

NOTE FROM FRANCES AND ROGER PEARCE

NEW COMMITTEE MEMBERS

A NOTE TO CONTRIBUTORS

YOUR SAFER NEIGHBOURHOOD TEAM

RECEIPTS AND PAYMENTS ACCOUNT FOR THE PERIOD ENDING 31ST MARCH 2006

OLD MOBILE PHONES

CHARITY WALK

LESSER-WITTED LITTER LOUT

NORTHWOOD SCHOOL

QUIZ – YES ANOTHER ONE!

LOCAL DEMOCRACY AND SERVICE PROVISION. A COMPARISON BETWEEN ENGLISH AND AMERICAN STYLES.

POLITICAL TRUISMS

CAN YOU CRY UNDER WATER?

HEALTH CARE ADVICE – PLUS MORE

HARROW CINE & VIDEO SOCIETY

CHURCH BLOOPERS FOUND IN BULLETINS

OPEN LETTER TO THE UK SECRETARY OF STATE FOR AGRICULTURE

THE NORTHWOOD HILLS SPA

PINNER ROAD SCHOOL - REUNION

QUIZ SPRING 06 - ANSWERS

ON HOG’S BACK, NORTHWOOD

INTERESTING FACTS

PLANNING REPORT

DO YOU REMEMBER HOT SUMMERS?

HOTEL SOAPS

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CHAIRMAN’S REPORT

Is it a year ago since hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans, or 5 years ago since the 9/11 disaster? But already the hot July seems so long ago. How time plays tricks with our memories!

On a local front, compared to previous years, it has been relatively quiet for the residents of Northwood Hills.
Tolcarne Drive is still a high priority, with what appears to be some back tracking by our council in the delays of the construction of a zebra crossing on Joel Street, near the Esso/Tesco Metro store. It could be argued that they are again putting lives at risk for the sake of £20,000. How do the residents of Tolcarne Drive, or the families whose children go to Harlyn School feel about such thoughts?

On top of this, our council has decided that there is a traffic problem at the junction of Tolcarne Drive and Joel Street. How many years have we all been telling the council that action is required?

I am sure that if I asked everyone who has suffered from the yobbish behaviour of twenty or so children during the summer to write in, the postman would not be happy with me. Did you know that there is something that you can do? Contact your local police. Please see inside for contact information.

What do you think about the shops in Northwood Hills? You may think that there are too many Restaurants, or too few shops? If you want the shops and local businesses to be here for another 12 months, then it is down to you. Support your local businesses by buying their goods. Let’s make Northwood Hills a thriving area for shops and businesses by buying goods from them. Failure to support them could result in Joel Street becoming a street of restaurants or closed shops. Do you want that to happen?

On a personal note, I would like to give my heart felt thank you to Margot, who has decided to stand down as secretary of our association; not many people realise that it is the secretary who has the most important job within the organisation, and believe me, without Margot telling me what’s what, I would be struggling. So thank you Margot for all your help, and enjoy your ‘retirement’ from the Association.

If you know someone who would like to be secretary of our Association, then please contact me.
Finally, I would like to thank everyone on the committee and the road stewards for all their hard work and time they have spent in keeping the Association going.

John Morgan

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PAST PRESIDENT

Frances and Roger Pearce moved rapidly after a year-long wait and have sent us their new address and contact number for anyone who wishes to remain in contact.

We will all particularly miss Frances for her excellent Hawaiian chicken she cooked for the road stewards party and Roger for his unfailing interest and help in all community matters.

We wish them well in their new life.

Frances and Roger Pearce, 8 Franks Avenue, New Malden, Surrey, KT3 5DB Tel: 020 8288 9533

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NOTE FROM FRANCES AND ROGER PEARCE

When we came to Northwood Hills 26 years ago we were very soon aware of the Residents' Association. We could hardly miss it since we came to live in Briarwood Drive whose residents provided so many committee members and officers of the association for many years. We have many memories of campaigns, public protest meetings, and the steady faithful work of committee members. The links brought real friendship too and we want to express our appreciation for all those we knew through this work. We were so glad that the new Fairfield building for Northwood Hills Evangelical Church became a new base for NHRA business and social meetings and that it has led to a happy supportive partnership over many years. May the NHRA thrive for many years to come! Our warm greetings and sincere thanks to you all.

Frances and Roger Pearce

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NEW COMMITTEE MEMBERS

We are really pleased to welcome onboard Ann Collis our new Minutes Secretary, Marilyn Crocker who joins Robert Symes as a Road Steward co-ordinator and Alistair Hornal who has taken over from Roger Pearce as our President. Gordon Gentry still is a road steward but is now also a committee member. However, quite importantly, a new secretary is needed urgently. This I’m afraid is goodbye from me, I have now moved from the immediate area. Should anyone wish to contact me my email address is still the same.

Margot Barnikel

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A NOTE TO CONTRIBUTORS

Now that Margot has deservedly retired, the only route to publication in the Echo is by sending copy directly to me. I am happy to receive handwritten or typed paper copy or electronic copy via email. Note my slightly changed email address –

 alan.kimber@onetel.com

However, a heartfelt plea to those who choose the latter route. PLEASE send me a straightforward A4 portrait-oriented document file (the most helpful is Rich Text Format), not a landscape facing page layout as in the finished product. PLEASE DO NOT send me a Word document incorporating a graphic. I assemble the Echo in a completely different fashion from that which Margot used before I took over. I can handle any text input, from a .txt file via WordPerfect to the latest Word. I can handle virtually any graphic format if sent as a separate file. If text and graphics are combined by you, I have to print the copy out and scan it to save the graphic separately. I really do not want the extra time-consuming work. I thank you for your future cooperation.

Editor

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YOUR SAFER NEIGHBOURHOOD TEAM

The Northwood Hills Metropolitan Police Safer Neighbourhood Team can be contacted on 020 8721 2546

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RECEIPTS AND PAYMENTS ACCOUNT FOR THE PERIOD ENDING 31ST MARCH 2006

31/03/2006 to 31/03/2005
Building Society  Opening Balance 7,213.37 9,646.09
Income 
Subscriptions 2,822.00 2,859.00
Advertising Income 590.00 580.00
Interest received (Net) 134.46 121.98
Donations 40.00 -
Total Income 3,586.46 3,560.98
Expenses 111.06 100.00
Echo Printing Costs 1,157.40 1,066.50
Photo-copying 12.39 96.38
Postage and Stationery 79.08 20.37
Telephone 45.49 27.84
Hospitality 12.00 120.94
Membership Fees 15.00 30.00
Other expenses 146.96 103.00
Christmas Street Decorations - 800.67
Repayment of F.F. Grant - 3,628.00
Total Expenses 1,579.38 5,993.70
Net Income 2,007.08 
Building Society
Closing Balance 9,220.45 7,213.37
General Fund 9,220.45

Honorary Treasurer Fiona Morgan F.C.C.A.

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OLD MOBILE PHONES

In this age of a throwaway society it’s nice when you hear that someone else can make use of the throwaway bits and pieces. 
Michael Sobell House, the Palliative Care Unit and Hospice at Mount Vernon Hospital is hoping to make £200,000 from your old mobile phones. Each phone your donate is worth, on average, £5 to the hospice. The £200,000 they hope to raise is the equivalent of paying for eight specialist palliative care nurses. The hospice is a registered charity and very dependent on voluntary donations and needs to raise £1million in 2006 to continue patient care.
Up to four unwanted mobile phone can be mailed direct to the recycling company, Aurom Environmental. For a supply of bags telephone Geraint Hughes on 01923 844550 in the Michael Sobell House Fundraising Office or email to a dedicated line at recycling@michaelsobellhouse.co.uk . However, I am hoping to pick up a supply of the bags to give out to anyone needing them, please contact me if it is more convenient. There are apparently 90 million phones lying unused in peoples homes so let’s get them to some use.

Margot Barnikel

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CHARITY WALK

On the night of 20th/21st May 2006, two members of the Northwood Hills Residents Association took part in a sponsored walk, code name ‘Moonwalk’, in aid of Breast Cancer. The route started and finished in Hyde Park, covering a distance of 26 miles. Our intrepid walkers, namely Keith and Margaret Archer of Alandale Drive, set off just before Midnight and completed the distance in a time of 7 hours 57 minutes. Through sponsorship from friends and work colleagues, they raised, between them, over £1,000. Our congratulations go to them both for a job well done.

Gordon Gentry – Road Steward

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LESSER-WITTED LITTER LOUT

Conservationists throughout Britain are becoming wildly excited at the rapid increase of the Lesser Witted Litter Lout. The Louts are odd creatures whose happy and nonchalant habit of collecting and dumping rubbish contrasts strangely with their loud startled aggression when observed.
These creatures are industrious and generous, good at keeping their individual territories tidy and good at sharing the spoils of their endeavours with others.
The Habitat of the Lesser Witted Litter Lout varies widely and can affect its behaviour patterns. The list below categorises some of the sub-species and shows how their environment can influence them.
The Water Lout. Water is quite irresistible to these Louts. As avid collectors of old bikes, tyres, supermarket trolleys and milk crates, nothing thrills them more than to push or roll one or more of these objects into a pond, river or canal.
Half submerged and looking like bizarre modern sculptures, these rusting metal heaps are, without doubt, aesthetically titillating to Water Louts. They also serve as useful indications as to where these nearly extinct water features can be found.
The Woodland Lout. This species often has a large nesting box surrounded by impressive striped lawns and backing onto Woodlands. Shy and somewhat reclusive they often erect a very high fence around their territory. Most weekends during the active season they will laboriously ‘beaver’ away at collecting their rubbish, pruning shrubs and lopping trees, digging up concrete paths and emptying sheds. Most of this effort is directed to one end – the brief moment of ecstasy when they can hurl this assorted collection over the fence and into the Woodland. Vociferous in their care of the environment they enjoy a good howl if the Council does not cut their grass verges regularly.

The Migratory Lout. These louts love to travel and spread their rubbish if not their wings. Incredibly hard working they spend most Saturdays throughout the year frantically collecting old mattresses and pushchairs, which, with great ingenuity, they load, into their cars. Sundays are reserved for the exquisite pleasure of a drive into the countryside to enjoy nature. Unfortunately this species frequently finds it difficult to walk, consequently after emptying their cars and enjoying a quick but ecstatic dump with their mattresses in beautiful surroundings they hop back into their motors and drive home. Brief but enjoyable they truly do enjoy these excursions to ‘get away from it all’.

The Town Lout. This variety of Lout differs widely from any of these previously described. Unlike the others they do not accumulate rubbish in bulk. Rather like the untidy pigeons and starlings, which, for hygienic reasons they would like destroyed, they splatter their debris, a little at a time but often and with dedication. A Kentucky fried Chicken box here, a fish and chip paper there, bottles, papers and coke cans everywhere. Instant constant satisfaction is what they seek and they are helped to gain this by the Greater Witted Manufacturing Louts who industriously over package their products in the interests of public health and desirable litter levels. It has been observed that most Town Louts have developed great skills in recent years at dodging the strategically placed litterbin traps.

It is hoped that the above notes will help you to recognise these creatures. If you think that you have spotted one and wish to confirm it just walk up and say ‘You are a Lesser Witted Litter Lout aren’t you?’ If it shouts back ‘Rubbish’ you know you have found one.

Sheila Liberty

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NORTHWOOD SCHOOL

During the Easter holidays a group of Year 10 pupils spent two days decorating the girls’ toilets and did such an excellent job that the premises staff promised to look into buying new flooring for the area.
During the same period a group of seven pupils from Year 10 completed their GCSE Citizenship project by renovating, aided by previously raised money through the sale of cakes, the gardens at Heath Lodge Old People’s Home. The immensely hard work of this group of pupils resulted in a rejuvenated garden, named by the pupils “The Garden of Eden”. The results of this splendid effort duly featured in the Gazette.

Other highlights of the summer term were the successful participation of 9 Year 10 boys in the Leadership Challenge Residential Expedition in Derbyshire, organised for the Hillingdon Education Business Partnership; the Year 10 & 11 Beauty Show at Uxbridge College, involving six pupils studying hair and beauty courses; the successful Rhythm and Blues evening organised by the Northwood School Association.

Congratulations to the four Year 7 girls who won the Hillingdon Maths Challenge.
The big challenge in September was the great push for the catering service to meet the new guidelines published by the Government in ensuring a healthier range of foods are available for school meals. These guidelines can be found at www.schoolfoodtrust.org.uk  Well done, Jamie Oliver!

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QUIZ – YES ANOTHER ONE!

The answers are all famous people through the ages. Most of them are known by their second name, some include a first name and some their titles. The clues are generally cryptic. Brackets are the number of words and H = hyphen.

1. The only one to go to three terms (3) 
2. Kiosk 
3. Cycle man 
4. Raked firs can unravel (2) 
5. Manacle heavyweight 
6. 200 years as a columnist 
7. found fame in 1984 
8. Get astride board to fix hatches 
9. Discovered in cave. Llama remains 
10. Foul water source around open brew (H) 
11. One with us following Rome’s river 
12. Sounds like a pair of bladed weapons 
13. Said before meals 
14. Jam timber, as you say 
15. Breathing pebble 
16. One German beer-mug 
17. Cobalt, phosphorus, erbium, nickel, copper, sulphur 
18. He bowled an explosive bouncer (2) 
19. In last – upset 
20. Cook in fat 
21. Leading characters in book about crime on Nile 
22. trace opal, faked? 
23. 9 pound back 
24. She had well turned out legs! (2) 
25. Thrust back firm – horse play (2) 

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LOCAL DEMOCRACY AND SERVICE PROVISION. A COMPARISON BETWEEN ENGLISH AND AMERICAN STYLES.

To compare English style local government with America, is interesting, but probably not that interesting, given that our centralised taxation system probably will not change. Drawing from two articles in a Local Government magazine the author Andrew Coulson outlines the American system based on independence and local democracy, with elected Mayors and fewer Councillors responsible for managing a village or town’s local services.
Would we in England accept paying our local schools in a direct way for the education of our children? Similarly, would we be prepared to pay in a direct way for our police, fire and ambulance service? Would we be willing to pay local contractors on a monthly basis for refuse collection, together with parks and street maintenance without any Government subsidy? Simple and straight forward, but complex in its operation. Would it be cheaper, more efficient? Would local services be more responsive to local residents demands, as they foot the bill? That is how it works in America.
Our system may be more bureaucratic, slower to respond and overburdened with taxation, but on the whole the needs of the local community are reasonably well met. In the event of a disaster or crisis, when you consider New Orleans and their failure to have infrastructure services in place, perhaps despite the criticisms levelled at local government in England, we may have the best of both worlds?

I leave it to you to decide.

David Bishop, Councillor

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POLITICAL TRUISMS

A Government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
-George Bernard Shaw.
Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
- James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
Giving money and power to government is like giving whisky and car keys to teenage boys.
- P.J.O’Rourke, Civic libertarian.
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free!
- P.J.O’Rourke.
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you.
- Pericles. (430 BC)
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
- Winston Churchill.
Democracy is the worst form of Government, barring anything else.
- Winston Churchill.
D.A.B.

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CAN YOU CRY UNDER WATER?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

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HEALTH CARE ADVICE – PLUS MORE

The following are some websites that can offer a wealth of advice:
www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk
www.netdoctor.co.uk
www.medlineplus.gov
www.childrenfirst.nhs.uk
www.cancerbackup.org.uk
www.cancerresearchuk.org
www.allergyuk.org
www.mayoclinic.com

and one really worth looking at is: 
www.consumerdirect.co.uk

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HARROW CINE & VIDEO SOCIETY

Harrow Cine & Video Society’s AUTUMN MOVIE SHOW will take place on Thursday October 12th 2006 in the Pinner Village Hall, Chapel Lane, Pinner. Doors open 7.30pm for 8pm start. Tickets at the door £4 include interval refreshments. Further information is available from Heather Lee on 020 8863 7628.

Regular Monday evening meeting are held at 7.45pm in the Canons Room of the Harrow Arts Centre in Hatch End. www.harrowcinevideo.org.uk

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CHURCH BLOOPERS FOUND IN BULLETINS

1. The Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
2. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
3. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
4. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.
5. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, ‘Break Forth Into Joy’.
6. A songfest was hell at the Methodist Church Wednesday
7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
8. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy
9. Thursday night Potluck Supper Prayer and medication to follow.
10. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs Adams.
11. Tuesday at 4pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
12. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
13. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
14. Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
15. Mrs Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
16. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of the their first child.
17. The Lutheran Men’s group will meet at 6pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
18. The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday. ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’
19. Our next song is ‘Angels We Have Heard Get High.’
20. Don’t let worry kill you, let the church help.
21. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
22. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
23. The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
24. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
25. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

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OPEN LETTER TO THE UK SECRETARY OF STATE FOR AGRICULTURE

Dear Sir,

My friend, who is in farming at the moment, received a cheque for £3000 from the government for not rearing pigs. I now wish to go into the ‘not rearing pigs business.’

In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavour in keeping with all Government policies, as dictated by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy. I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?

As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven’t reared. Are there any Government Local Authority courses on this?
My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for very many years, and the best he ever made on them was £1422 in 1968, until this year when he received a cheque for not rearing any.
If I get £3000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6000 for not rearing 100? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first year. Then I can afford to buy an aeroplane.
Another point. These pigs I plan not to rear will not eat 2000 tons of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don’t rear?

I am also considering the not milking cows business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the Government information on set-aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual-reality fields?
In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and will qualify for unemployment benefits.

I shall of course vote for you at the next general election.

Regards

Barry

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THE NORTHWOOD HILLS SPA

How are we going to wash down the horses, hose out the sables and yard, replenish the horse troughs and clean the carriages?

These are just some of the problems that I was faced with at Joel Street Stables during the present hosepipe ban. Together with an ever-increasing water supply bill from Three Valleys Water, I was convinced that a long-term alternative water supply solution had to be sought. These issues are going to be with us for many years to come as global warming takes its hold and climate patterns change.
I sought the advice of Mark Bradley an Engineering Geologist at Terra Firma Ground Investigation Ltd who carried out a borehole feasibility survey to determine the geology and the borehole depth that would be required. He concluded that an 8-inch diameter bore to 35 meters into the chalk would ensure an adequate clean water supply.

The actual work took only 4 days to complete. Water is raised via a submersible pump and the flow is metered to ensure that the maximum daily abstraction rate of 20 cubic metres litres (20,000 litres) is not exceeded. As the water is of drinking water quality I have terminated the mains supply and I am currently saving hundreds of pounds in water bills.

If your garden has suffered as a result of the latest hose pipe ban and you would be interested in having your own water supply borehole, you should contact Mark Bradley on 020 8575 2442. Mark will be happy to discuss the options available to you.

Tim Wood – Joel Street Stables

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PINNER ROAD SCHOOL - REUNION

Date 6th June 2006 at Haste Hill golf club. The weather was perfect with brilliant sunshine.
We were again meeting up to reminisce on our schooldays at Pinner Road Primary School in the 1940s/50s.
There were old familiar faces but this time there were some newcomers, which was encouraging. One of these was Peter Alexander who travelled from Norfolk with his wife Brenda (née Holden). Peter immediately recognised old chum Philip St John and Philip's wife Pauline who had worked with Peter in the old days, so there was plenty for them to catch up on. Another newcomer was Ann Berry (née Perry), who after previous disappointments at last made it to the reunion. This was thanks to Clive Austing and wife Liz who picked Ann up near her home in Wiltshire on their way from Sidmouth, Devon. Not only one way as they took Ann home on the way back, quite a journey in one day. Ann was thrilled to meet up with several old classmates. The buffet, as before, was excellent much appreciated by everyone, forty-eight people in total. Like all good things, though, the day had to end, but not before we all decided we must do it again.

Marion Wilson

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QUIZ SPRING 06 - ANSWERS

The answers to the clues are all famous people through the ages. Most of them are known by their second name, some include a first name to identify them and some have their titles. The clues are generally cryptic, where more than one word is in the answers the number is shown in brackets and (H) indicates a hyphen.

1) Llamas quit high Andes interior Asquith
2) Screwed up on principal Archimedes
3) Did he create NHS drink? Beveridge
4) Gaelic arachnophile (3) Robert the Bruce
5) Amphibian – tailless one Newton
6) What the……! Dickens
7) The fourth man in the Queen’s Gallery Blunt
8) He knew the right angle Pythagoras
9) Almost run the firmament Trotsky
10) Dangerous cocktail Molotov
11) Troglodytes Troglodytes Wren
12) Almost rub out some music Arasmus
13) Happy rock! Gladstone
14) Zeus for example – the fourth one Godiva
15) He’s from Chittagong and Hindu Gandhi
16) The original Teddy Bear (2) Theodore Roosevelt
17) My father knew him! (2) Lloyd George
18) Waterproof footwear Wellington
19) Inside spans I start to meditate Archimedes
20) Ailing ecclesiastical building? Churchill
21) That idller of reinvention (2) Adolf Hitler
22) He disabled troop on banana peel (2) Napoleon Bonaparte
23) A man for all seasons (2) Thomas More
24) Songster of the Crimea (2) Florence Nightingale
25) Quiet voice ran organisation (2) Queen Victoria

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ON HOG’S BACK, NORTHWOOD

[The following poem was originally printed in the “Resident” in March, 1954. It was re-printed in November, 1958, when the author was 91 years of age and thought to be the oldest Northwood Hills resident at the time. Mr Pate was a retired postal official and lived at 25 Stanley Road. We make no apology for giving it a third outing.]

“On his bow-back he hath a battle set
Of bristly pikes, that ever threat his foes.”
So Shakespeare says of the wild hog, but yet
We cannot so describe the hill that goes
By name of Hog’s back in this land so fair,
So pleasant, so delightful, where we dwell.
It needs another Shakespeare to declare
The beauty of that hill in Spring, to tell
The glories of the hawthorns when in bloom,
The vista when the distant hills we view,
The twinkling stars as they shine through the gloom,
The shimmering leaves with ever changing hue.
Yet may we look and always beauties find
Around us though we lack a poet’s mind

Thomas R. Pate.

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INTERESTING FACTS

1. Coca-Cola was originally green.
2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
3. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
4. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!
5. You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath.
6. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
7. People say ‘Bless you’ when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
8. The ‘sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick’ is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
9. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
10. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades – King David, clubs – Alexander the Great, Hearts – Charlemagne, Diamonds – Julius Caesar.
11. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111, = 12,345,678,987,654,321.
12. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
13. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
14. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
15. Question – This is the only food that doesn’t spoil. What is this? Ans. – Honey.
16. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
17. A snail can sleep for three years.
18. All polar bears are left handed.
19. Butterflies taste with their feet.
20. Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump.
21. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
22. On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
23. Shakespeare invented the word ‘assassination’ and ‘bump’.
24. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
25. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
26. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
27. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
28. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
29. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
30. Most lipsticks contain fish scales.
31. Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.
32. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

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PLANNING REPORT

Haydon school I dealt with an application to extend the existing St. Nicholas Building to form extra classrooms, to increase their potential to extend education in Art and related subjects. At the same time, Haydon are increasing the pupil intake by 50 this year and 50 next year. This seemed to indicate that the proposed extension was simply to accommodate extra pupils. I investigated this thoroughly and felt that the building extension and increase in numbers were not related. I wrote to the Council Planning Committee supporting the proposed extension which will be on the site of existing shabby buildings. I feel the proposal will be an asset to the school and benefit the pupils. Haydon is a first class school and I feel we should help when we can. At the same time however, we are aware of the serious traffic problem and disturbance which residents near the school have suffered for years. I drew this to the attention of both the Council Planning Committee and the Head Teacher. The school has developed a traffic plan and our hope is that some progress will quickly be made. We shall certainly do whatever we can to help our residents.

St. Vincents St. Vincent Nursing Home is now completed. It is designed to hold 60 beds and is already half full. There is still a lot to do, mainly landscaping, etc. Progress is being made and work is in hand to clear the site on the eastern side which will be returned to green belt.

Shops The battle to keep our shops continues as owners apply for change from retail to restaurant. So far we have been quite successful as the Council Planning Committee have refused nearly all. However, some applicants have appealed to the Planning Inspector (National Government) and when the full picture is clear I will arrange for information to be displayed on the Association notice board in the tube station entrance.

Lishman Easby, Planning Officer

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DO YOU REMEMBER HOT SUMMERS?

I’m old enough to remember the English summers of the ’20s and ’30s. After the First World War, when I was an urchin in the streets of Battersea, summers were hot and some were very hot. I don’t have statistics in front of me to consider, only my childhood memories and they are still very vivid. The summer days were long and dusty and the streets were mean and not all that clean. The hot July/August temperatures were sufficient to melt the tarry street surfaces and the corporation water dowsers, I remember, came round fairly regularly to dowse the surfaces, and running behind the spray at the back of the wagon was a feature I recall; and how pleasant to get ones legs and feet wet! Then, I used to think it was done to lay the dust but, later, I guessed it was to help flush the drainage system and the sewers which, on hot days, smelt strongly. Usually, with only one tap per household, no laid-on bathing facilities and a Friday night tin bath for a weekly wash down, there was not enough ‘flow’ in the district to take the effluent on its way to the sewage works.
The street was a standard playground then; nowadays very few follow the same pattern for a variety of reasons. not least of which the advent of general car use has made my playing area a very dangerous place to be. And, again, the gradual increase in other forms of entertainment proliferating over the years between then and now has precluded the enjoyment for modern children that I used to revel in. I think that I had the better of the deal, despite the squalor and strife, to the modern life pattern.
Nowadays, children want to be entertained and for many the idea of making their own enjoyment out of nothing seems not often to attract them. Not for them the joy of the old street games - knock down ginger, are-bobby, tin-can-copper, release, pick-a-back soldiers, four stones, cigarette-card games, hide-and-seek, with swinging around gas lamp posts and many others. Not for them the joy of making up a scooter from pieces of wooden plank with a tar-log ‘holder’ for steering and a couple of wheel races from an old gear box for locomotion (the modern equivalent, admittedly looking very swish, will now cost £50-£60) while an equivalent in roller skates (my first pair cost all of 2s. 6d.) now need the ‘boots’ to go with them and they are called roller blades.
The equivalent of a ‘motorcar’ came in the form of a soap box on twin planks with the ubiquitous wheel races above-mentioned, one on each corner with a cord attached to each side of the front axle for steering, with one boy sitting in the box as driver and the locomotive force was another boy pushing from the rear. And when a speed was attained (particularly down a convenient slope) he stood on the back of the plank as a passenger until the whole contraption slowed down, when the pushing began again, each boy changing positions every now and again. We used to travel for ages using this simple contraption and it cost peanuts, and a little ingenuity. The hot summer months, especially school holidays, seemed to pass without a care.
And then there were borough carnivals! Can you remember them coming round the streets? There would be bands of musicians interspersed with corporation dust carts, horse-wagons, ambulances, fire engines, police tenders, you name them, all decked out with bunting and with organisations (youth and adult) making up their tableaux or making music, while attendants with long poles with bags attached to their tips would stretch up to top windows for ha’pennies and pennies collected for charity.
Fairs are not new- we still have them - but not like the ones I seemed to remember in Battersea Park or on Clapham Common, especially. I can still see in my mind’s eye the sarsaparilla wagons with their big black vats with vertical brass stripes down them. A penny would buy a delicious drink while for a ha’penny one could get a wafer of water ice from an Italian-named vendor - and didn’t it taste delicious. And when the money ran out and it happened to be Derby Day, we would stand alongside the main road near the ‘Plough’ as the charabancs and horse carriages made their way back home from Epsom, and call out “Throw out your mouldies” to the lucky punters who had made a bob or two, and scramble on the pavement for the odd coins that came in response.
I thought my early days were full of fun and excitement Like modern children I didn’t want to go to bed on summer evenings, and usually found some way to be ‘not findable’ when my parents called out for me. Street play was the normal environment for me and I don’t think I was anyway the worse for it – probably better trained for life ahead. School holidays and weekends were always eagerly awaited and, in summer time, I remembered it always seemed to be HOT. What do you remember?

Anon

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HOTEL SOAPS

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests last year. The hotel ended up submitting the letters to the Sunday Times.
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Imperial Leather. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
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Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off.
I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested.
The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind.
This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management are to leave 3 soaps daily.
I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
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Dear Maid
I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening, I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.
I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Imperial Leather, so I won't need those 6 little Camays, which are on the shelf. They are in the way when shaving, brushing teeth etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service.
I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience.
If you have any future complaints, please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
Thank you.
Elaine Carmen Housekeeper
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Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6.00 PM. That's the reason I called Mr Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap.
The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check in
today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet, along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf.
In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
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Dear Mr Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
Room and to remove the extra soaps.
If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8 AM and 5 PM.
Thank you,
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
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Dear Mr Kensedder,
My bath-size Imperial Leather is missing.
Every bar of soap was taken from my room, including my own bath-size
Imperial Leather.
I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.
I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room.
The situation will be rectified immediately.
Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
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Dear Mrs Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?
I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Imperial
Leather.
Do you realise I have 54 bars of soap in here?
All I want is my bath-size Imperial Leather.
Please give me back my bath-size Imperial Leather.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room, so I had them removed.
Then you complained to Mr Kensedder that all your soap was missing, so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily.
I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your
maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps, so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays.
I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size
Imperial Leather. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen Housekeeper
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Dear Mrs Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:
On the shelf under the medicine cabinet -18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. * 
On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
On the northeast corner of the tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
On the northwest corner of the tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.
One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-size Imperial
Leather, which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.Berman